huge preDICKament.

so. i can’t honestly say i know how to blog this appropriately, but i have a little problem. now, in my Howard career, i have had the displeasure of encountering a large number of males who are members of the ‘i act like my penis is huge but in actuality, these tweets/my personality/my fraternity, etc. are just a means of total overcompensation for my pinky dick’ group.

sad. completely disappointing. wastes of time…the list goes on of all the thoughts i felt every time i had to hold back laughter or tears, never be able to look someone in the eye again, sideeye everytime they retweet a lyric about strokegame or getting bitches, or every time i’ve ever said ’oh, it’s in? oh.’.

so now that you know my background and what im used to equating with sex, i can continue with my current issue. now, we’ve all seen pornos with black men with penises like lightpoles smashing some little white girl and smiling as she looks like the penis is going to come in her vagina and out of her mouth at any minute. we are all familiar with those pornos, right? (dont act like im the only one) well, we all know that no man’s penis is naturally that thick and long, right. it’s like an embellishment to fulfill pornwatchers’ fantasies. I mean, who doesn’t love an abnormally large penis? right?

so what happens when what you saw in that porno is what you look at when you glance over and down every morning… O_O

his penis is a treetrunk.

i have no other description. and everyone ive talked to about it has laughed in my face because apparently im ‘living every woman’s dream’. lol. but…im having a hard time adapting.

we haven’t even had sex yet. because im used to Howard, not horsehung. so here i am, acting like im holding out for some moral reason, or to gain respect, or to sound like i am not the average 21year old female with physical needs. he thinks im waiting until marriage…lmao. but really, i am mentally preparing myself to reinact the scene Monica’s first time from ’Love&Basketball’…her facial expressions and awkwardness included.

feel free to stop me at anytime should this post become TMI…lmao! but i just had to share. please keep me in your prayers.

dear tumblr,

i must admit, some days are more stressful than others…but today, was pretty amazing. i didn’t step foot outside. nor have i worn pants. just me, him, and aryn alternating nap times, snack times, coffee breaks, and storytimes. when they talk to one another and i say something, they both give me the ‘A&B conversation’ look. hilarious. now im the last one standing while the other two are curled up and comatose. so i made three plates of spaghetti: one in the microwave for when the giant awakes, one in the fridge for the working woman’s lunch tomorrow, and one that im currently stuffing my face with. and as i sit among freshly wiped counters and the hum of a full dishwasher…i am so thankful. i could’ve let the last man break me and completely missed out on the happiness and peace that comes with just letting things happen and letting love grow. i could’ve held that useless grudge against my mother and rid aryn of the ear-to-ear grin that fills her face when she sleeps over at nana’s house. i could’ve sat here and continued to convince myself that God doesn’t bless everybody.

ha. i can’t help but laugh at the person who could EVER even think that. because the minute i started counting the DAILY, WEEKLY, OBVIOUS, HIDDEN, FINANCIAL, SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL B L E S S I N G S that God sits in front of me..the faster they came.

so tonight, i am thankful. i have my own. i worked my tail off for it. and because of that, my daughter knows no struggle. and what is more beautiful than a strong, determined man of God to squeeze my hand on the nights when i may forget that this storm doesn’t last always?

my eyes water just thinking about it. so for all those who want to give up, don’t. just stop looking to others for validation and look around at all the blessings in front of you.

and when you’re done looking around…look up. He never left. believe me. i’ve been there. just thought i’d share.

now, back to my spaghetti. :)

hd7.

anyone who knows me knows that i go through phones like underwear. i buy them, i lose them, i drop them, i break them, i hate them, etc. i can honestly say i’ve had 9 phones this year. blackberry, android, and iphone.

is that even possible?!

BUT i have FINALLYYYYYYY found a phone that i completely love. like, i never want anything else. i got an HTC HD7 about two months ago and it’s been growing on me slowly. but yesterday, i got an update for it. and now i LOVE it.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it. every day i find something else that it does and it gives me the freedom of creativity that i just couldn’t get with the blackberry and even the iphone. i design it how i want, in my colors of choice, in my order, with my pictures…any way i want it.

just had to share that. my phone journey is finally over. let’s hope i can keep this one until christmas at least.

:)

delly.

something new.

yellowskinned.

across the bridge.

big hands.

big ____.

goodnight.

i wish tumblr would let me write this in like 2pt font so it would seem like i’m whispering…

…because i want to tell you that i decided to talk to the #lillightskinnednigga i passed up for #bobbybrown. i won’t tell you everything right now, but…this…might…just…be…a…go.

other than…him being lightskinned and everything. andddddd not to mention, he’s from SE DC. yea.

but..let’s just say..his number is not in my call log at all.

that’s how much we’re together.

shhhh…i’ll tell you the rest later :]

shann-i-yam:

Vanilla ice cream inside hollowed out apples, topped off with brandy caramel

i need this NOW.

tomorrow morning.

mariaarassiee:

Beautiful Surprise - India Arie

Whatever it is you came to teach me
I am here to learn it cause
I believe that we are written in the stars
I don’t know what the future holds
But I’m living in the moment
And I’m thankful for the man that you are

my delly.

nnekalikesneaka:

this picture is everything

heartofalexaabee:

Best chips everrr. (Taken with picplz in Charlotte, NC.)

 dawggggggggggggg!!!!! #CurrentlyEating

don’t care about all the pain in front of me..i just wanna be h a p p y…

not a game.

i just sent a text of what aryn needs to her dad,

his girlfriend,

and his mom,

because she needs winter clothes. but of course, her dad and his family will let her be outside in a snowstorm wearing a onesie before he lets aryn take away from his HU homecoming funds.

goodbye bobby brown.

THAT AWKWARD ASS MOMENT WHEN THE MAN YOU’VE BEEN TALKING TO AND DEVELOPING FEELINGS FOR CONFESSES THAT HE HAS A CHILD..

THAT HE DOESN’T TAKE CARE OF.

because i eat what i want.

i want a chocolate chip cookie.

like six of them baked together into one.

with vanilla caramel ice cream and chocolate syrup.

whipped cream.

strawberry on top.

*goes to kitchen*

sooo…

my cousin, franqueneta (do NOT judge) and i have been legit arguing all day over a conversation we had this morning. my cousin had the chance to meet the new man in my life this morning when she dropped by. i had already told her about him previously so she could know a little of the background of our relationship, why i like him, and also, my issues with him.

bobby used to go to morehouse, but doesn’t anymore. he’s almost 24 with no degree. and he “occasionally makes music”. what do you do when the you meet the perfect man for you…he has a few jobs, owns his car, his crib, no debt, no kids, no crazy exes, fine as ALL hell, dependable, sweet, accepting of my daughter…and the only problem is that he doesn’t have a degree because he chose to pursue his “passion”? :/

i’m all for having goals, i just don’t have time for pipedreams. although he is employed, i just worry about the future of me and a man who doesn’t have or is not working towards obtaining a degree. it makes me nervous.

so i asked my cousin if my concerns were valid. [WHY i would ask HER, idk.] she screwed her face up and told me that i was a BITCH for having such high expectations. 0_0 her argument is that, i cannot expect a man to have a degree if i don’t. she even went as far as to say, i couldn’t even turn down a man because he has kids anymore.

like…is she serious? are you telling me that i am not allowed to have high standards because i have a child and am no longer in school? and i can’t choose not to date a man who has kids if i don’t think it’s in the best interest of me or my child…? that makes no sense to me.

am i really being ridiculous or is my cousin just a hoodrat..?

responses, please!!

HALLOWEEN!!

i can’t lie. halloween is one of those holidays that you wait to be a mother for. and i am ecstatic. october 31st is also my little sister’s 18th birthday..so this is going to be sooo much fun.

i can’t decide what i want aryn to be…but it has to be hilar. i’m not a conventional mom, so aryn can’t be a pumpkin, or a bumblebee, or a princess. im trying to put alot of thought into this one. i tried to convince my sister to participate and the three of us could be beyonce, kelly, and michelle. lmaooo…

too much?

i need ideas. give me input.